Teacher Put on Leave For Starting a Porn Site

Ah yes. It’s a tale as old as time. The ancient story of boy meets girl, girl starts porn site, boy helps out, girl is fired from her teaching position. Happens all the time. Our wonderful story begins in the magical city of Stockton, in the state of California (where all such stories happen). It was there that we find our girl, Heidi Kaeslin, a 35 year old special education teacher in the Lincoln United School District. Apparently all of California’s school districts have the word “united” in them. I have no idea what’s up with that. Anyway. Uh, where was I? Oh yeah! The magical land of the Lincoln United School District!

Every day, Heidi went to school and diligently taught her students a wide variety of subjects. But something was missing. Yes…discipline! ‘Cause you know those special education kids be gettin’ rowdy and stuff and somebody’s got to be on hand to keep the peace. Enter boy, Richard Fields, a Stockton beat cop assigned to Heidi’s school as a resource officer. And together they pacified the classroom. The end.

Oh wait. Nevermind. That’s not the end. That’s actually like…the beginning. Ok, now onto the middle! Heidi and Richard (or Heidi and Dick, if you prefer) would often meet (strictly in a professional sense, you understand) to calm her kids the fuck down. But then…something happened. Something magical. You see, children, when a woman has large breasts, young boys will stare at them for hours on end. Especially if they’re uh…”special” boys, and said woman is the only woman they see all day, and they don’t really have to listen to her because  they’re not in the type of class that has tests and stuff.

Now I suppose that there’s many different ways that a woman could react to a situation like that. Heidi Kaeslin’s reaction was to start a series of porn sites. And that’s what she did. Sort of. With the help of a friend (our boy Mr. Fields) she started; teachertitties.com (“Remember your favorite teacher? Ever dream about seeing her (breasts)? Well now you can!”), RandHentertainment.com (which sells I Heart Teacher t-shirts (with breasts drawn into the heart)), 360pig.com (a sex toy shop) and mysluttyteachers.com. Teachertitties.com and mysluttyteachers.com are both down but the other two sites are still up and running (albeit with some slight alteration).

But what about the porn, you ask? Alas, it was all media speculation. Our heroine never actually appeared in a pornographic video, nor did she convince anyone else to do so. Apparently Teacher Titties and My Slutty Teachers were just meant as tests. Kaeslin and Fields just wanted to know how popular those domains would be if they ever decided to actually make a porn site. Fields did most of the work himself with the assistance of an as yet unidentified programmer who called Fields shortly after he registered those domains, telling him, “You’re sitting on a gold mine”.

What Fields was actually sitting on however, was forced early retirement from the police force, because of budget cuts. Hence the reason why he was so eager to help out with anything that held the prospect of supplementing his retirement income. Or so he says anyway. But enough about Mr. Fields and Ms. Kaeslin. What about Mr. Kaeslin? What, you didn’t see this coming? Yes, Mr. Trent Kaeslin, Heidi’s husband. Apparently, he was totally ok with this. “This” being the porn site idea. What he was not ok with was the fact that his wife was having an affair with a 51 year old police officer.

“I was aware of the basics,” he said speaking of said porn sites. But “I had no idea of the magnitidue of it.” Magnitude? What magnitude? This dude sounds like he just uncovered some sort of vast right wing conspiracy! (insert evil villain laugh). And so Trent did what husbands always do in situations like these. He reported his wife to the school. Their response?

“We’re conducting an investigation.”

Oh. I. Bet. They. Are. They’re gonna investigate the hell outta this thing! That quote was from Tom Uslan, the district’s superintendent. And what exactly will he be “investigating”? Well there is the little matter of Kaeslin using a school-issued Apple laptop to work on the sites, which possibly violates their ethics policy. In the meantime, Kaeslin has been replaced with a “long term substitute teacher”. Actual quote from an actual article. Let me hit you with that again. “long term substitute teacher”. Sigh. It looks like somebody doesn’t understand the concept of substitute teachers not being long term. Otherwise, they’d just be teachers.

And that, unfortunately, is where our little tale ends. The media never does follow ups on stories like these, so it’s hard to find out what the resolution was. But as we’re rolling the end credits I can tell you that Trent and Heidi are now separated and Richard is now under an investigation himself. Although, technically, since he’s retired, the investigation is only to determine whether or not they can actually investigate him (since he’s retired). His take on all this?

“OK, if my crime is that I fell in love with a married woman, I’m sorry. It wasn’t planned.”

And you know what? I totally believe him. Why? Because you can’t make this stuff up.

THE END 

Sources

1. MySluttyTeacher.com Teacher Put on Leave

http://blogs.findlaw.com/legally_weird/2011/11/mysluttyteachercom-teacher-put-on-leave.html#more

2. Teacher’s role in porn websites investigated

http://www.recordnet.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20111116/A_NEWS/111160325/-1/A_NEWS14

3. Calif. Teacher With Porn Sites Gets Put On Leave

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/18/calif-teacher-with-porn-s_n_1100824.html?ref=weird-news